so.. what happened?

One of my favorite repeated moments was hopping on the motorbikes in a skirt, tying a scarf around my head, extending my hand to receive the helmet, placing my bag on my lap, and letting the breeze wash over my face, and sometimes having to yell, "GO SLOW". Glory! Here's a brief clip.

First motorbike ride in Rwanda

Goofing off after crying session

The tears came my last evening with the ladies. We sat at a favorite restaurant eating chicken brochettes while watching Serena Williams get her act together in the championship game. They gave me gifts and an extemporaneous time of encouragement occurred. I had an epiphany of the mountain these ladies are climbing- competing with Americans raised in privilege is no small feat. I recalled my move to the U.S. as an adolescent and discovering I had to compete against people who grew up there and had mastered the educational system. Tears streamed down a few faces, especially the ones who attempted this process last year and didn't make it. 

They are fighting their way upstream against the cultural tide of contentment and the 'American southern'/african mindset-women finish school, marry, have babies'.

My heart swelled with great pride in their endeavors. Admission into U.S. schools or not, they are already champions simply because they entered the ring. I promise you- they will be the next Rwandan leaders, in business, healthcare, gov't, NGOs. 

AG on the left and COO on the right. We're tall women.

Bonnette and I met with the COO and AG of Human Capital and Development of Rwanda Development Board (RDB) the day before my departure to request formal internships for OAD scholars. This connection took place thanks to Kelly Uphoff who chased the CEO down and asked for her contact info.

RDB facilitates all business activities coming in and out of Rwanda. Amazing work they do and the ladies wanted to work there, so when we met with these sagacious men, they immediately saw Bonnette's competence and great poise. In the next few weeks, some of the girls should be interning at RDB. One big step for OAD.

View from top of RDB

It has been 2 weeks since I returned. Seems a bit surreal that I was just in Rwanda teaching young women and discussing world affairs with them, and eating pastries with Susan Mbabazi at a local Korean shop and now I'm sitting in class finishing up my last MPA year. I will return because there are still critical lessons to be learned about how His excellency, Kagame (Father of the nation) & others, moved that country into the state it is today. So impressive, and yet I desperately hope his children (the next generation) build on the foundation he laid. 

A wise woman once said, 'a thousand words cannot equate to firsthand experience'. I firmly agree. If Rwanda isn't on your bullet list, favor yourself and add it quickly. 

Thank you for living vicariously through my last 2 months, praying peace and strength for me, and supporting OAD ladies through constant support and encouragement. Stay tuned for future endeavors.

Cheers!

just cry

After teaching irritably for half hour, I told the girls I needed a minute break because I was frustrated and needed to calm down. Math was the subject, and they just weren't getting it!! 

The teacher's expectations went unmet and the students were the victim of her frustration. 

Thankfully I realized I expected them to have prior knowledge and they unapologetically admitted it was new information and they just didn't know how! I changed my approach, consequently my emotions aligned and the day proceeded smoothly.

lesson: When frustration knocks at the door, look for the hidden unmet expectation and do something different!

cry fest

After spending a week in Rwanda with me, Kelly Uphoff asked me, 'What's wrong with you'? Thanks, Kelly.

It's simply humane to cry when you hear devastating stories of genocide victims straight from their mouths. I am yet to cry. Does this mean I'm inhumane? I hope not. Early this morning I contemplated my 'not yet' cry fest and was disturbed. The last 24 hours, something inside me wanted to come unleashed: my tough side. Some say this is a good thing because it'll help the ladies be more vigilant in their studies. I challenge my girls and at times come down too hard on them with my expectations. I just want SO MUCH MORE for them, but this desire sometimes is without constraint.

Mamas, you know when your kid is being way tooo soft, so you feel you must compensate for their softness by being tougher or stronger? Or when you know someone wants your pity, so you do the extreme opposite just so they don't get what they want, or like Leigh Anne Tuohy in Blindside; each time she was doleful, she'd quickly leave the room, refusing to unveil her softness or 'weakness'.

WHAT is that?

In reflection this morning, I realized my 'tough side' is many times my defense mechanism. The past 8 years, I functioned in emotionally intense environments; my involvement with at-risk youth and their broken families and working with a team of women as we helped other women coming out of drug/alcohol addiction. Somewhere during that journey, my mind learned to effectively function with the tough side, especially when they shared 'stories' about their past. Truthfully it was difficult to decipher honesty from tale. This side of me was extremely helpful given the context, but I failed to realize that simultaneously, my heart labored in building an unhealthy hard-shelled wall. I don't think it's a thick wall, but it shows face when I least expect it. I tell myself, 'there's no time to sit here and allow emotions to take over because if you do, nobody else will pick up the pieces and move people along, so move on. We have work to do'. Yes, there is a time to work, a time to move on, and certainly a time to just CRY. Hopefully I will share in this moment before leaving this land.
I am in no way saying toughness or being strong is negative. Women, especially, have to exhibit these qualities in order to make way in this world today, but we must be careful that fear isn't the impetus for exhibiting these qualities. Anything propelled by the wrong kind of fear may not be worth doing.

"clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, and patience" is something I read this morning. You know when you read something like that, Testing already left its house and is on its way to yours! I apologized to the girls for displaying my frustration the day before and they graciously let me off the hook. One left the room and I knew things weren't ok. She cried, expressing her disappointment in herself. Here in Rwanda, (locally pronounced 'Ronda') most levels of education are not free or cheap. For these ladies, getting into OpenADoor (OAD) is a glimmer of hope- to receive fine education SO THAT they can return to their homeland and help further develop their nation. In the heart of a Rwandese is a deeply embedded patriotic spirit. In that moment, I had a choice: be tough or simply console her. I was quickened by my morning reading, so thankfully I chose compassion.

Funny moments
A white lady came to check into the guesthouse where most of the staff do not speak English. I was sitting close by, overhearing their conversation. She asked if there was an available room. He shook his head and responded, "No, it's ok, it's no problem". Confused, she asked again and received the same response. At this point, I let it go on because I'm amused knowing what he means to say. She starts to walk away when I intervene. "What he means to say is YES, there's room and you can stay". Many times head shaking with a verbal response means 'Yes'. If you've spent time overseas, you know this head shaking and that no means yes. yes means yes, or sometimes no.

"Have you breast?", were the words Bosco uttered. In relative shock, I repeated this question twice just to make sure I understood what he was saying, emphasizing the word, 'breast'. He agreed both times. I was in dismay and wanted to respond, 'Yes, I have 2' until it dawned on me; here they pronounce 'L' as 'R', so what he meant to say was 'were you blessed?' My goodness, glad I didn't answer that direct question.



A very recent nytimes article on His excellency, Paul Kagame.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/08/magazine/paul-kagame-rwanda.html?hp

normalcy

That's how we roll when celebrating the end of their first test

Girls (missing Josiane)

Listening to Condi Rice and Sheryl
Sandberg
for a little inspiration

These babes will thrive in the US. Love them
                                              
Bonnette & Nicole
Diplomats and Ministers in the making. When they speak, we listen. A class question: As a way to stop the violence in Egypt, the UN says they'll stop giving aid, but Saudi Arabia has vowed to give Egypt money. What should the UN do now? 

Nicole: You can't impose on people by coercing them with power. Threatening to take away their power won't work. They have to find a common ground, even if they don't agree on many things, the UN should try to get them to agree on something.

The class was divided on this one. Some held views suggesting that war was the only solution, others chose to remain silent. 

Bonnette's father was a genocide victim when she was 2. In her struggle to understand why this happened and why her life wan't 'normal', her mother said, 'maybe you weren’t meant to live a normal life after all.' This statement has changed her entire perspective.

She is a natural leader among leaders. I am consistently impressed when I watch her interact with the ladies. I give her responsibilities and she delegates, to empower the others, not because she is indolent.

Her ambition: As an entrepreneur, I envision helping Rwanda address the high rate of unemployment by providing employment to my fellow Rwandese and I also plan to help connect investors with promising businesses that lack the capital to grow. But most of all, as a leader I want to mentor, educate and empower young women to give them skills that will help them become the next generation of leaders.

Bonnette & Nicole, in the face of opposition, choose courage and keep the end in mind. We believe in you so much, and your ambitions are very attainable.

MY FIRST RWANDAN WEDDING

This little 'steal my heart' was my favorite part of the wedding. He was a charmer with the most alluring smile. I was so distracted I eventually asked to hold him, that is until he started crying. We tried to assuage him with my gold earring- but that proved temporary. When people start looking at you because of crying baby, you must quickly find a different solution. I insisted his mother take him back. I was captivated by him for a prolonged time that I started calculating how long it would take for me to adopt him, get him a US passport and take him back with me in a 3 week time frame. Maybe it's time to get a baby

My wedding date, Bosco

 and no, we are not dating. He's too young for me:)

How am I?

I get asked this question few times a week. I don't have a precise answer, but I will attempt. A great delight right now is my opportunity to challenge our girls. They know the problems facing their country and in some ways have been raised to become cohabitants with these problems. Everyday I am given an opportunity to sit before them, and this reality rejuvenates every fiber of my being, but can become habitual. My challenge: Seize the moment- every single one of them.

On a personal note, when an african woman comes to africa, there is a thought in the back of her mind: will I meet a man here? Rwandese men are less aggressive (in a positive light) than some others I've come across in my days. They are also on the slender side. Ha! All that to say, no men have drawn my attention, but there is still 3 weeks remaining. In my spare time, I dream a lot about my future and have started taking steps towards those goals. There are 3 women I'd like to dine and sip wine with:

Condi Rice

Sandra Bullock

Oprah Winfrey

If you know someone who knows someone who may know them, let me know. I'll owe you big!

an offensive truth

"Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled"

"Jesus paid it all

All to him I owe,

Sin had left a crimson 

stain, He washed it white

as snow"

These were the words Rwandese believers of Jesus sang together in one voice. Epiphany: Even some genocide perpetrators could be among us, also uttering these same words. Does this truth also apply to them? I mean they massacred strangers and neighbors alike. They planned this attack-- It was well organized. At times they even denied doing this treacherous act. Generations will forever be marked by this moment in time. How could this beautiful sacrifice also apply to them? AN OFFENSIVE TRUTH, offered to ALL by one man: Jesus. Is He really a just God? The rain falls on the just and unjust. It seems He isn't selective. 

Kelly

She gave up vacation time to come help. A well versed woman in literature, world affairs, and supporter of Hillary Clinton for President. Woman power. My companion for 2 weeks who never failed to make us laugh even while she led our academic boot camp. For many hours and days, she sat with our girls so they could get extra english speaking practice. A fabulous coach, wonderful encourager, and generous giver. Kelly, you are already missed.

Jeri really LOVED Kelly. Someone had a little crush

Jeri

Mischievous and oh, tooo charming. Jeri belongs to Susan and James Mbabazi. Susan, my new african sista, is OAD program manager. A sacrificial woman who laid aside her personal dreams so others can find their own AND she's happy to do it. Dreadlocks-wearing suburban-looking US mom (as kelly would put it). I gotta say, Susan rocks the dreads so much so that I even considered doing the same. Don't worry mom, I'll pierce my nose before I get dreads.

Josiane

Orphaned at age 2, another genocide victim. For many years only ate one meal a day. She was taken in by her extended family who supplied her emotional and physical needs. The trajectory of her life was altered when a Jewish school (Agahozo Shalom Village) took her in and educated her. Jojo, from early childhood, jumped many hurdles in life, one of which is her lagging behind academically. Upon taking the pre SAT, she confessed that it was her first time to see such word problems. She made an average score. She is innovative, sharp, and quite perceptive.

Her dream: to be an agro-business woman and own many houses to rent out so the money goes to helping fund other children's education. The hardest worker among many. Her fight for abundant life will take her beyond our biggest dreams. Her relentless pursuit for MORE deems her worthy of the best life can offer. Go, girl!

The following excerpt is written by Kelly Uphoff (white lady pictured up top)

Hotel des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda)

Genocide. To me, it felt like the 1994 Genocide permeated everything. Not that it was audibly and observably spoken about to us (and it is of course inappropriate to ask people about it unsolicited unless maybe you are close with them). However, signs (literally and metaphorically) of it abound and once you hear several personal stories you can feel it in the air. I would go as far as to say that anyone spending time in Rwanda has an obligation to visit the memorial in Kigali. The grounds serve as mass graves and there is a great museum that demonstrated how my previous and limited knowledge of the genocide was a major misunderstanding. In my mind, the genocide was a spontaneous burst of ethnic violence that pitted neighbor against neighbor. At the museum, however, you learn that it was a well-coordinated and methodically organized campaign with deep roots in colonialism, eugenics, the impotence of the UN, the complicity of the French, the blind eye of the US, class conflict, organized militias, a corrupt government, and other factors like the ethnic distinctions of “Hutu” and “Tutsi” that was largely created by the Belgians, who divided Rwandans based on cow ownership (seriously) and the misguided Eugenics-related association between Caucasian features and intelligence. These distinctions were exploited by internal and colonial powers, with one group favored over another. Mix in a little propaganda and the other markings of a pre-genocidal build-up, and you know the rest...

You can taste redemption here in this beautiful country. AMAZING!

the land of a thousand hills...

Rwanda

Land of a thousand hills. Living in Seattle the past year prepared my legs and lungs for the hills here. Breathtaking views, clean streets, somewhat orderly driving, police who don't demand bribery: This is Rwanda. A people of mild temperament, sharing one common language, and a sincere affection for his excellency: Paul Kagame.

Meet Bosco: 
Youth of 25. International law studies and manager of the Emeraude hotel. I see him everyday and he takes great care of me. He is also the financial provider for his mom & 2 sisters who are all still in the village. Bosco didn't know Kigali really existed till he came a few years back. His mother still doesn't really know the concept of a tv. Working on a proposal for senators to take action: People in the villages aren't educated, so they don't know the consequences for their actions. We need to educate them and here is how. 

Behind Bosco is the patio where I work, eat, and read everyday

Man of great intellect with a simple, yet brilliant plan. Now if only someone would listen to him. How can he, a boy from the village start a business or get more schooling. If you dont have connections, you go nowhere.
Bosco asked for someone to help him become aware of the opportunities out there and to make connections.

You can be the answer to someone's predicament.
Now I ask myself: What will I do about this?

Rwanda holiday:
Last saturday of each month: Community Clean up in the morning. People gather then move together to a location with the intent to respect the environment by cleaning up. Most stores shut down for several hours during the morning. This happens all across the Rwandan land. Impressive.

Acclimation: 
Round 2 motorbike. When you can negotiate and ride with your arms rested on your lap instead of holding the back bar for security and composure, you are acclimated. May I suggest that when you ride on the back of motorbike (uganda:bota bota), resting arms on lap surprisingly felt the safest. Either that or fully embrace the driver for dear life. Take your pick. Next challenge: hold a child while I ride behind a motorbike.
Disclaimer: if potholes make their presence known or you have a jerky driver, hold something fast!!

My girls:
I misplaced my love for teaching and it found me. Spending my time strolling and teaching these young leaders is one of life's greatest privileges. They challenge me to walk slowly enough to take life in. I'm sure many more challenges ahead for me. Some have given this US college application process a try in the past, and didnt make it, yet perseverance stands tall. We have 7 weeks to prepare for these tests.

These are OAD(open a door) girls...my girls

Although these young ladies were toddlers as the genocide passed, their generation will forever be marked by this point in history. Some orphaned but taken in by relatives and extended families (the village). They refuse to allow someone's actions to dictate their future aspirations and endeavors. Their history serves them as perspective in moving forward. 

First round of SAT practice test.

Oh! how I wish you could simply spend 15 minutes with these ones and you'd effortlessly stare in the faces of courage as they smile right at you.

Tender, vigilant, funny, and steadfast they are.

a traveler's journey

RWANDA, I come to you

On my way to Kigali, Rwanda. Join me as I step foot on the motherland. My heart is excited to breathe in African air, see vibrant sites, and teach Rwandan's future women leaders. Sent out by an amazing organization called OpenADoor foundation which was started by a passionate, visionary woman named Barbara Bylenga, I will prepare 6 young women to take the TOEFL and SAT tests so they achieve high scores and gain admission and scholarships to U.S. colleges. Check them out http://www.openadoorfoundation.org

My visit to Uganda 3 summers ago is marked by an experience at the market. I go in to buy my father a Nigerian Green Eagles (soccer) jersey. Business as usual, I barter as I turn on my nigerian aggressiveness. Eventually the store owner says, 'Madaam, we don't do like dat here. if you don't like price, you leave'. Appalled as it dawns on me that I am in a different culture where the general temperament is calmer than that of Nigeria. I take the price and leave. lesson learned-don't assume all places with black faces are alike.

Recently I was told Rwandans are calmer than Ugandans. Can this be? This Nigerian blood will have to dial it down a few. It is even law to wear helmets when riding on motorbikes in Kigali. I may be in for a shock. 

One Africa- Multiplex Cultures. I find it is imperative to avoid assumptions.

Traditional Rwandan baskets hand woven by women.